Shaking, Drowning
by Linorea
Summary: Magnum PI. Rick's hands began shaking. That face… It was the one face he would never be able to forget. The face of his nightmares.


Disclaimer : I do not own Magnum and his friends.

Sorry if the English is not perfect, I am not fluent in it.

Shaking, drowning

When he saw the man sitting at the bar, Rick froze. He could not speak anymore. He could not breathe anymore. His eyes stayed on the man as Noah served him some beer. No, it could not be him. He would not be drinking alcohol, would he? He would not be in Hawaii and most of all, he would not be alive.

Rick's hands began shaking. That face… It was the one face he would never be able to forget. The face of his nightmares.

– Boss, are you all right ?

Noah was suddenly blocking his view of the client. Rick had not seen him approach. He cringed, visibly worried. He should say something; ease his employee's concern.

– I'm fine.

It did not come out as strong as he wanted but, well, at least he managed to speak.

– You sure? You went quite pale for a minute.

– Yeah, yeah, I…

The man was standing, his glass now empty. He was about to go but then, he looked right into Rick's eyes. And smiled.

_No. No, no, no, no._

His vision began to blurry. He did not see the man leaving his bar. All was moving around him and he could not breathe. Suddenly Noah's hands were on his shoulders, steadying him. It helped him somehow to regain his composure but the contact was too much. He shrugged of the friendly hands, looking for an excuse to leave. There were not a lot of clients but it was too crowdy, too dangerous. He could not have a breakdown in front of anyone. Anyone except…

Not answering Noah's anxious questions about his well-being, Rick took his phone out of his pocket, dialing the first number that came to his mind.

– Hey Rick, answered the anchoring voice of his best friend.

Rick exhaled some of the anxiety that had been building.

– Hey TC…

TC interrupted him before he could go on with his sentence.

– I am sorry man but I am in the middle of something, I'll call you later, OK ?

And he hung up. All the stress Rick was trying to keep at bay came back rushing at him.

He took his last chance, dialing for Magnum. One, two, three rings. No answer. Was he okay ? Was he in some sort of trouble? Thomas always found trouble… No. Rick shook his head. Magnum was fine. It was he who needed help.

But, what if?

_No. No, no, no, no._

Sensing the world closing on him, Rick opened the first door coming to him. The storage room. Well, it was a good place to let his mind betShammy him without witnesses. It would have been anyway. He completely forgot about Noah who was beginning to panic about his boss's behavior and followed him in the storage room.

oOo

– Hey Noah, what's going on?

Rolling into the room after the friends he just saw disappear in, Shammy didn't need more than one look at Rick who was pacing, his hands going nervously through his hairs, his breaths shallow, to understand that something was up. He cautiously closed the door behind him, not liking what he was witnessing.

– What's up, Rick?

Not getting a response, and really not expecting one, Shammy turned his questioning look toward Noah.

– What triggered this?

Both of them were veterans. They knew what a panic attack looked like.

– I really don't know. He was just standing there and then he began shaking.

– We have to calm him down.

– Yeah, sure, but he won't let me touch him.

Shammy moved his wheelchair further in the room, trying again to attract Rick's attention.

The sniper waved a warning hand toward him, frantic.

– Stay away. Don't… Don't come closer.

Then all of his forces seemed to abandon him as he let himself slide against a wall, still shaking from head to toes.

– Just… Go away. Don't worry, it will pass.

The man really did not seem to believe that himself.

Thinking for a minute, Shammy turned toward Noah.

– Go back at work man, I will stay here and call for TC and Magnum.

– He tried to call them earlier, it will probably be a good thing to have them coming.

As Noah retreated in the bar to welcome and serve the clients, Shammy tried to call TC and Magnum. Neither responded.

Sighing, Shammy could only be the witness of his friend distress. And it was not getting better. The man had not stopped shaking; his skin was pale and perspiring. Whatever triggered that episode had to be bad. He did not even know that Rick suffered from PTSD. But well, prisoner of war and all that, it should have been obvious.

oOo

He had not had that bad a reaction for at least two years. Yes, he'd had nightmares and some down days but a complete and out of control breakdown? And there was no TC, no Thomas to help him get through this. And Shammy and Noah had to see this. He was such a wreck. Images began to flow in front of his eyes, phantom sounds were louder and louder in his ears. Even the smell. It was too overwhelming.

He could not do anything about the nausea which took him by surprise and had just enough time to bend on the side before his stomach expelled all of his content on the floor, splashing on the crates and his clothes.

Shammy winced. He wanted to help but Rick didn't want anyone near him and Magnum and TC were out of reach. He tried again to call them. Without success. Maybe he should call an ambulance but there were not a lot doctors could do except pumping some tranquilizers into him.

He could see him. That man, that monster who took a vicious liking in him. The others, they did not know. They did not know what he did to him. He never said anything. It was not important. Magnum was hurt, tortured. Him… it wasn't important. And then they got out of that hellhole, they were alive and the monster, the monster was dead. He remembered the blood. Everywhere. On the floor, on his hands. He could see it now, flooding around him, trying to swallow him.

He tried to take control over his breathing but it was hurting too much.

And then, someone was gripping him. They were taking him again. He did not want to go there, no! He thrashed and flew his fist blindly in front of him, glad to hear a yelp. They would not let him get out with it but it was a small victory. He was still a fighter. They would not break him.

Noah dropped the soaked towel on the floor, getting away from his boss, surprised by the intensity of the blow. Better aimed, it could have broken his nose.

– I told you, said Shammy. It's us he's protecting by not wanting us near, not him.

– Yeah, but…

It was difficult not to be able to do anything.

– How long since he came in here?

– I don't know. Fifteen, twenty minutes maybe. Seems longer.

oOo

Rick was completely lost to the world, trapped in his nightmares, unaware of the friends looking over him, at a distance. How long, he could not know. He was alone in that cell. No, not alone, it was so much worse.

And then, something tried to pull him out. To get him free. He could hear a voice. A calming voice in the cacophony of screams, of cries. A voice he could trust.

– Rick, you here, buddy? Come back to me, you're alright. You will be fine.

He sense a touch on his cheeks, cleaning the tears away. And then, someone pushed him gently forward, taking him in a warm embrace. He was still afraid but he knew he could trust that person. He let himself be buried in the strong arms of his friend. Yeah, he knew that guy.

oOo

When Noah nearly leaped on him when he entered the bar, Magnum knew something was very wrong. He came to Rick's bar with an unease growing in his stomach and entering the storage room, he knew immediately the cause.

– I tried to call you, reproached Shammy upon seeing him.

Magnum did not respond, his attention all on the trembling form of his friend.

– What happened?

Seeing his always smiling and joking friend in that state was heartbreaking.

– We don't know, answered Noah. I thought I would look at the recording, maybe the camera saw something I didn't.

– Yeah…

But Magnum was not listening anymore. He approached his friend like one would do with a wild animal. He knew his friend could be dangerous in that state, he'd witnessed it before. Slowly, he crouched in front of Rick, his heart breaking in millions of pieces at seeing the distress he was in.

– Oh, buddy…

Rick and TC were always here for him and he wished he could have been here sooner to prevent it to go this far. But like an idiot he forgot his phone at Robin's Nest, just getting out to grab a little something to eat in town.

His friend was clearly lost in terrible memories and tears were running on his cheeks. The first time he saw him in this state, it was… Magnum clenched his teeth. Yeah, he did not want to think about that. At the time Rick tried to act as if nothing happened to him but they were not idiots, he, Nuzzo and TC. And the first time Rick came back, he was so in shock, Magnum doubted he really remembered a thing after that. But Magnum remembered and the thought made him want to hurl.

He began talking to him in a soothing voice. Little by little, the shaking and mumbling subsided and Magnum tried his luck, gently putting his hand on his friend cheek, trying to erase the tears. With no violent reaction, he knew his friend was coming back to whatever nightmare he was trapped in. Ignoring the vomit still on his friend clothes and chin, he gathered him close, encircling him with his arms, caressing his hair like one will do with a frightened child.

– It will be ok, Rick. We will figure this out, I promise.

Because something caused this, he was sure of it.

Time had passed when Magnum finally noticed that Noah and Shammy had left the room, giving the two friends some space. Smart and sensitive guys, thought Magnum. Rick had calmed down and was very still but Magnum knew that, even if he must have been exhausted, Rick hadn't fallen asleep.

– Are you gonna be alright, buddy ?

It took a second for Rick to respond but he did.

– Yeah… I'm sorry.

– You know you don't have to be.

– Yeah…

The guy seemed really out of it. The episode took a toll on his mind and body.

– Sorry.

Yes. He should probably take Rick somewhere he could rest properly. But he was kinda stuck there… With his arms full of his friend.

His silent plea was answered when his other best friend came strolling into the storage room.

– Where is he?

The man was out of breath and not far away from panicking himself.

– It's OK, TC, I got this.

– Oh, man, said TC, passing his hand on his forehead. He crouched in front of his two friend trying to ignore the sour smell of vomit and to have a good look at Rick.

– He called me earlier but I shut him off. I was with an important client and… well, there is no excuse. If I had known, I would have come immediately. And then I saw that Shammy tried to call me five times. Five times! So I called Rick and no one answered !

– Calm down TC, said Magnum, sensing Rick tense against him. He's OK now. Just had a bad day.

The muffled laugh in his shoulder made him smile. Yeah, everything will be OK.

– But, what happened ?

Magnum gave him a look that clearly meant "not now". He did not want for Rick to fall again in those memories, whatever they were.

TC gently squeezed Rick's neck.

– We should get him somewhere quiet.

– Just what I was thinking. Care to give me a hand, I am quite stuck here and I think no blood is running in my legs anymore…

With precaution, TC engaged into detaching Rick from Magnum. It was not really difficult, the guy had no energy left in him.

– I'm sorry, said Rick again when his legs did not seem to agree and let him stand on his own.

– It's OK, Baby, I won't let you down.

He could have carried him without so much trouble but he knew Rick wouldn't let him, he was too proud a man to be seen like a damsel in distress. So, TC put his arm around Rick, trying to guide him out of the room and through the back door.

– You can take care of the bar, guys? asked Magnum to Shammy and Noah who were looming nearby, worried sick.

– Of course, answered Shammy, I do not work here but who cares, really?

Magnum saw past the snarky comment and patted on the guy's shoulder.

– Thanks for taking care of… everything.

Both Shammy and Noah reluctantly nodded. They could not do anything, really, to help Rick. Just see that no harm would come to him as he was battling his demons. But for Magnum, for TC and for Rick, it was enough.

oOo 

– Oh, my ! Is he alright? asked Higgins upon seeing Magnum and TC all but dragging Rick in direction of the guest house.

– Do not worry, Higgy, he's just tired.

Her eyebrows went up at that. Tired? The man seemed dead on his feet. She did not say anything though. She was observant and seeing the care and worry on Magnum and TC's faces, she knew insisting would not be welcome.

Without a word, she went ahead to open the door of Magnum's quarters for them.

– Do you need anything?

– Thanks Juliet, but we've got this. It's not the first time we have to deal with something like that.

It was enough information for her to put the clues together. Her heart clenched for Rick. They had suffered through the war; it was not fair that it continued to haunt them even now.

– Let me know if you need anything.

And then she closed the door, knowing she had not her place here but that they would not hesitate to call for her help if needed.


End file.
